Eridan: Be a Human.

[wweh]

(action: 1445 Mitchell, mid-afternoon)

[Eridan woke up... oddly, in one piece. The last thing he remembered was being split the fuck in half by Kanaya. Maybe it was that weird ghost bullshit that caused him to feel whole again, or maybe something else entirely. Not magic though. No way in hell it could be magic. That stuff's a load of musclebeast crap. So, he goes to get himself ready for the day... His normal clothes were missing. Rather odd, and they're rather ugly to him. His fear and anger only grow when he gets to the bathroom to get himself ready, noticing that he's an ugly shade of pink. Human pink. He screams rather loudly, as he runs out of the bathroom to figure out exactly what the hell is going on here.]


(phone, sometime later}

Alright, now who the fuckin' hell brought me back to life as a fuckin' pink human abomination! You're gonna fuckin' pay for it! Leave me your name so I can go for you fuckin' first when I smite all you landdwellers! If you think you can be desecratin' such royalty by makin' me some kind of ugly pink human alien, you've got another thing comin'!

Comments

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

I'm a young troll of royal blood! Fillin' my quadrants is important!

Would you think I'd be the type to fuckin' lie about that sort of thing? Honest to glub, Kan fuckin' killed me.

[echidna]

You mean that stupid piece of junk? I'm not repaying you for anything, let alone that.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

[He freezes when he hears Gamzee's voice... Even though it was his normal, chill motherfucker self. It was the last voice he really wanted to hear. After a few moments, he finally gets the courage to speak]

Gamz, this audio tube clearly isn't some kind of fakey bullshit miracle...

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

You obviously don't know how to handle such a majestic weapon. See if I do anythin' nice for you again! You should be grateful I gave you such an awesome piece of equipment!

Hmph. No wonder why you're havin' trouble with your fuckin' quadrants. Can't handle a man's fuckin' rifle.

[echidna]

What is wrong with you?!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

That's what the fuck I'm wonderin' about you.

Can't take a good fuckin' thing when they see it nope.

[echidna]

There's nothing wrong with me! I don't have to kiss your ass because you made some stupid crap!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

It's not crap!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Okay then, if you have all the answers I best be fuckin' taking advantage of that.

What is this place? And why am I not a fuckin' troll anymore?

[echidna]

Crap, crap, the biggest fucking piece of a crap I've ever seen!

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[trollololol problem eridan]

Course it is, my brother. Ain't no other way your voice could be all traveling and shit down these tiny wires to my motherfuckin' fine auricular sponge clots.

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

Your guess is as good as anyone's. We don't got a clue as to how they do it.

It's not something normal, you know. People kinda need their body parts, but some are stupid and... desperate enough to make the trade.

phone

[mothersome.livejournal.com]

_{[ Yes. ]}

Oh dear.

_{[ Yes, she has no clue... ]}

Would it hurt to consider the possibility of your derogatory remarks derailing the original focus of your inquiry?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

No, you raging case of bulge hives, you killed her, and Feferi, too. I was fucking there the whole time.

She was nice to you, despite you being basically impossible to put up with, and she was my best friend. What the fuck is wrong with you?

[putmeinstitches.livejournal.com]

[HE'S LAUGHING HIS HEAD OFF AT YOU. OH GOD THIS IS THE BEST REACTION HE'S SEEN YET TO SOMEONE BEING TURNED HUMAN.]

Consider yourself desecrated! Ha ha ha ha ha!

[un-beau-coquin.livejournal.com]

You are now in a town called "Mayfield". You must play zhe role zhe town 'as given you - in zhis case, one of zhe children of zhis 'ouse'old - or else you could be subject to "droning". Droning is zhe process of brainwashing, I suppose you could say, to make you believe zhat zhis town is truly magnificent and zhat you 'ave lived 'ere your whole life.

I am assuming zhat somezhing 'as changed about your appearance, since I do not know what a troll is. Zhis 'as occurred because in zhis town, you 'ave lived 'ere your whole life, meaning zhat your body must be zhat of zhe child who lives in zhis 'ouse, not whatever you used to be.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Better not be fuckin' mockin' me there, else I'll think you're responsible for it!

phone

[thespidertroll.livejournal.com]

[Cackle, cackle.]

Having fun with your new, human self? Hope so! You're gonna be like that for a whiiiiiiiile.[COMMENCE TROLLING.]

[putmeinstitches.livejournal.com]

And if I am? What are you going to do about it, your majesty?

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Hey, being a sea troll is a fuckin' ton better than being a stinky land dweller! And probably a lot better than bein' human!

Of course! All of the sea trolls have fuckin' fins.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

More like you're the biggest piece of carp for not recognizin' the fuckin' greatness of Ahab's Crosshairs!

[echidna]

Oh, sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of how shitty your stupid rifle is!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

There's nothin' wrong with me Kar, just doin' my fuckin' duty as the Prince of Hope!

Apparently Kan didn't die, Kar! I told her I wouldn't kill her! See? I'm true to my fuckin' word. I know I can be a bit of a pain in the ass kar but I'm royalty, I have to be high fuckin' maintenance.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

You're shitty! Stupid fuckin' human believin' in fuckin' fakery like fate.

Seriously I'm startin' to fuckin' regret hittin' on you.

Though I mean, we've got a good thing goin' here. all of this fuckin' hate. We could work with this.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

[he relaxes slightly, Gamzee's not all that bad.]

There's obviously a fuckin' scientific explanation! [he sighs]

How long have you been here?