Eridan: Be a Human.

[wweh]

(action: 1445 Mitchell, mid-afternoon)

[Eridan woke up... oddly, in one piece. The last thing he remembered was being split the fuck in half by Kanaya. Maybe it was that weird ghost bullshit that caused him to feel whole again, or maybe something else entirely. Not magic though. No way in hell it could be magic. That stuff's a load of musclebeast crap. So, he goes to get himself ready for the day... His normal clothes were missing. Rather odd, and they're rather ugly to him. His fear and anger only grow when he gets to the bathroom to get himself ready, noticing that he's an ugly shade of pink. Human pink. He screams rather loudly, as he runs out of the bathroom to figure out exactly what the hell is going on here.]


(phone, sometime later}

Alright, now who the fuckin' hell brought me back to life as a fuckin' pink human abomination! You're gonna fuckin' pay for it! Leave me your name so I can go for you fuckin' first when I smite all you landdwellers! If you think you can be desecratin' such royalty by makin' me some kind of ugly pink human alien, you've got another thing comin'!

Comments

[echidna]

I don't think so! I already know about your hate quadrant and I am not interested.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

[Another voice he didn't want to hear... his nervousness is very apparent, as much as he tries to hide it. the reciever is shaking in his hands. He oes his best to play nice.]

H-hi Kan... Well, I d-did think of that... but I need to let whoever is doin' this fuckin' crazy not magic shit to cut it the fuck out!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Come on, you've got fuckin' troll royalty interested here. I don't think you'd find a better kisemesis anywhere else! Seriously. Cream of the fuckin' crop right here.

[echidna]

Uh, I guess that's something that's supposed to really flatter me but actually it's not flattering at all.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

You're a filthy glubbin' liar! Nothin's fuckin' scarier than an angry sea troll!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Well, uh... well....


[pause]

Once I get my stuff back, I'll be sendin' you to troll Davy' Jones's Locker!

[putmeinstitches.livejournal.com]

Oh, sure you will. The question is -- could you get me to stay there?

You've got a lot of hard lessons ahead of you, human.

[roadroller]

Oh really? What makes a sea troll scarier than normal trolls? ♪

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Well us trolls need all our fuckin' body parts. We got so much going on you humans don't even know! Everything is useful but I'm pretty sure in you humans there's probably somethin' you don't need.

You implying that I'm the desperate type? No. No sir I think that's far from the fuckin' truth!

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Of course I'm having fun, but here you come to ruin my parade as usual.

Figured you'd come fuckin' crawlin' back the moment I turned human.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

You'd make a pretty fuckin' good kisemesis for me is all I'm fuckin' sayin.

I mean we could have duels under the moonlight with our guns and shit i mean come on that's classic fuckin' blackrom right there.

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

They'll take your memories, too. But I don't think you get to choose which.

Huh. That so. [That's an awful lot of protesting.]

[echidna]

I think you should stop talking to me!

[ Aaaand she hangs up. ]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Uhhhhh...about a night? I think? Shit, bro, did you know the motherfuckin' starmonkeys here be going to sleep at night and do all their shit when the sun's up? Shit be weird as fuck!

[mothersome.livejournal.com]

_{[ Strange... Maybe he's just not used to his human skin, that's all. ]}

I'm not entirely certain about this not magic myself... Oh well, in any case, being a little nicer won't make them "cut it the fuck out" a little sooner. Are you all right?

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Well for one we're fuckin' royal bloods so you better start respectin' my royal authority!

Two, I've got a fuckin' penchant for wantin' to destroy all landdwellers so you better be keepin' in fuckin' line if you know what's good for ya! Better not be makin' a mess up there otherwise you'll be facin' the fury of the fuckin' sea.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

[OBVIOUS LIES ARE OBVIOUS]
Other than feelin' like a fish out of fuckin' water, I guess I'm alright.

Of course this isn't fuckin' fake bullshit.

I could try bein' a little nicer but what's the point they won't know I mean fuckin' business.

[roadroller]

Well just so you know, the biggest body of water in this dump is a little lake. ♪

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

Ugh. How the fuckin' hell do you even function when that fuckin' blazing star is up in the sky?

[mothersome.livejournal.com]

_{[ HMM. ]} You don't sound alright.

And yeah, that's true. I haven't heard much about our captors beyond a description likening them to those possessing the symptoms of a Stepford Smiler. I don't think they talk much. _{[ She just has bad timing... ]} Your wand isn't with you, either, then?

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

So you're tellin' me I'm stuck in some other fuckin' kid's body playin' their session of whatever game their in? That's pretty fuckin' fishy if you ask me.


Well if they want me to be fuckin' role playin' this shit out then I'll do just that. I'll show this fuckin' town how those on the top of the hemospectrum fuckin' live it up.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

I'm just a little shaken up from bein' turned into some pink human thing, that's all Kan.

Figures none of the fuckin' people here have been much help. There's some kind of human lusus in this house and he's tellin' me a bunch of weird fuckin' bullshit about this place.

[a long pause. It didn't seem like she was rubbing it in. Or like she didn't even remember. He's going to keep silent about it for now, thinking he'll spare himself from being half the man he used to be. again.]

...Nope.

[misterwwizard.livejournal.com]

[after a few minutes of him trying to talk on a dead line, he sighs.]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Naaaw, it ain't like back home, it don't hurt none here. Makes shit real bright and pretty.

[mothersome.livejournal.com]

I think your "lusus" may be making an attempt to assist you, Eridan. It's good that there are people willing to help you despite everything. It's nice.

And I can imagine your inner turmoil, but would be good to come to terms with it in time. Karkat has informed me that our current forms are only temporary side effects that accompany us upon arrival until, well. Let's give it two months, at least. Our belongings will also return to us in due time. Then you can be the delightfully humble purple blood you were again. _{[ Maybe that came across as. Too sarcastic. So sarcastic that she almost sounds sincere. ]}